Documenting My Diagnosis: Day 4

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I can't even tell you how sick of my electrode wires I am. I trip over them. I snag them on my IV site. I get them tangled up around my waist, my hair, and my other wires for other things that I'm getting sick of getting tangled up in. Electrodes- GO AWAY.

9:20: I just talked to Doogie Howser, and he thinks that my attacks are one of two things. Both being seizures. An epileptic type in the back of the head, or a non epileptic type.? We talked about whether or not this could all be related to imbalances in my blood (potassium, electrolytes, B12- Alexis and I have had too much time for googling), so to ease my mind he pulled up all of my blood work on the computer, and showed me just how "normal" I am. A picture of perfect health.

Sooo... now I'm trying to wrap my brain around the diagnosis that I might get later today, while at the same time holding back on jumping to conclusions, since they haven't said the actual words "you have this" yet. I'll know more when the team comes in, in about an hour, and maybe then I can start letting it settle.

For now I need to just listen to Alexis's shower water (lucky- I would do anything to clean the glue off my scalp), fight my heart pounding anxiousness, and hope that I get more cell phone pictures of my babies.

Side note: cooked green beans are a no go. At least the hospital version of them.

11:47: I just had an episode. I don't even know what Alexis and I were talking about, but she kept telling me to push the button (my seizure stick), and I didn't want to. And then when I finally did, the dang thing didn't even sound the alarm, so she had to come push it for me.

This time I was scared? That happens at home sometimes, where I just feel really scared, like a child almost. Only this time, Christopher wasn't here to comfort me. I curled up on my bed and cried lightly until it was over. And it was over really quickly, thank goodness, unlike the last 2 I've had here, which lasted for almost an hour each, off and on. But now I'm tired, and can't stop yawning. My face feels flushed.

A gal that reads my blog (Hi Rebecca!) had sent me an email saying that theres a raw vegan cafe right by the hospital, so we looked it up. Its only 5 miles away. The menu looks awesome, but when it comes down to it, I'm such a food snob, that I just don't want to risk the improper food combining, and pay $15 for 1/4 of the portion size that I'd normally eat. So we're going to make it a point to hit up whole foods on the way home (which might be tomorrow!). I haven't been to a whole foods in 6 years. Sad? ...I know.

3:12: ...I've been avoiding updating. I've kept my computer closed, and I've kept my camera off. I saw my team of doctors hours ago. I'm sitting here with a heated shampoo hat on, water dripping down from near my ears and forehead- my electrodes were painfully removed about 40 minutes ago. They've collected enough data.

I'm going home today.

I don't think that the words that I need to describe how I'm feeling, even exist.
Other than- get this damn glue off of my head, and get this needle out of my vein!

So I won't bother trying to find them. Not right now at least.

I just want to go home to my husband and my babies.
I need time to sort out my thoughts.

I'll find the courage to write about my new beginning soon, I hope. And until then, I'll do my best to keep a skip in my step and a smile on my face. I'm going home!!!

Post a Comment