Smile lines.

Over the past few months, my smile lines have doubled in depth. Obviously its because I smile way more these days. Not because I'm getting older. Or maybe because of my recent weight loss. It couldn't be that second option at all, right?

After taking this picture, my eyes immediately darted to my smile lines. To me, they take up my entire face. They stand out like a Unicorn in a field of pigs (hahah, what?!). Christopher says they're "cute". What kind of response is that anyways? Well whatever they are, they're probably here to stay, and I should get used to them.

Today I had to step on a scale. Not just a scale, but a real scale, of the working variety, with accuracy and history. I had a doctors appointment (my very favorite kind, with cold metal objects and backless gowns), where I had no choice but to step onto the digital beast and face my doom. The scale there has always been neck and neck with the scale at the gym, so I knew it would read accurately. I was praying for 189. Please, 189, be there. 189, 189, 189. Come on, come on, come on. I've been doing my shred for nearly 3 weeks now, with incredible results in the muscle department. I've adjusted my diet in ways only crazy people would. I just knew, without knowing at all, that I had to weigh 189.

Yes, I'm about to post my actual weight (I can't believe I'm doing this).

187.

188.

189.

190.

191.

192.

193. Stop.

....Oh. 193. Thats definately not 189. Thats... I've only lost 3 lbs.

Heartbreak. Failure. Denial. Disappointment. Blaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I spent the entire afternoon fighting with the once-was-determination in my head. I've been working so hard. I expected so much more. Where are the results I've been chasing? Christopher reminded me that I've lost a load of inches in the fat department (theres no nice way to put it), and pointed to the area on my arm where a pool of blubber once lived, but is now being leased by a loyal tenant that I picked up at the gun show (totally lame, but I crack myself up). I did some texting, re weighed myself on the scale at the gym, went for a drive, and eventually my head cleared and I came to a realization.

3 pounds, is better than no pounds.

Maybe I've been trying too hard. I've kind of got a lot going against me, with breastfeeding, and my dietary restrictions, and my busy schedule. Every day I push myself as far as I can. I want to wake up sore in the morning, so that I know I couldn't possibly have pushed myself any harder. And I think because of that, I've put too much stress on my body. I've hit my plateau. I've heard people talk about weight loss plateaus before, but never really understood how your body could just stop responding. Well I understand now. Unfortunately.

I'm not going to stop my 30 Day Shred. I committed myself to it, and I'm going to finish it. Its transformed my unwanted jiggle spots into tightened functional body parts, and for that I'm thankful. Instead of doing it every day though, no. I'm going to start taking a day of rest in between my workouts. Even when I'm finished with the shred. Every other day, until I can get back on track.

So just like I have to accept my smile lines. I have to accept that my body is not going to change overnight, no matter how hard I push it.