Sunday, April 27, 2008
Before I met Christopher, I would constantly be labeling people as my "________ boyfriend". My Whole Foods boyfriend, my gas station boyfriend, my coffee shop boyfriend. I think I had a coffee shop boyfriend for every coffee shop in the Portland Metropolitan area. Now that I've been married for 2 years, rather than "_______ boyfriends", I get "_______ crushes". People crushes I call them. These crushes can be either male, or female. It makes no difference. ...So what makes a crush? I don't know. Personal style maybe. Attitude. Scent. All the same things that would attract you to your significant other I suppose. When I'm comfortable with my surroundings, I see a people crush, and attack. I instantly go in for the kill, and address their crushing qualities. Sometimes, depending on the intensity of my heart beat, I'll be too shy to say anything. Usually if I see the person frequently, I'll be able to muster up the courage to start a conversation. But occasionally I'll miss my chance, and my crush will be gone forever. Such a sad story that we all know too well. The other day while I was at work, the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen my life walks in. Shes tall, with short bleach blond hair (that I think might have actually been natural). Shes wearing a brightly colored plaid sleeveless shirt, her face and arms are covered in freckles. I can tell by her body type that shes not shopping in our store for anything other than bras. Shes got 3 or 4 kids around her, making it difficult for her to pick out the items she needs. Finally, a girlfriend of hers, lover or friend, whoever, comes in and takes the kids outside (but not before doing a double take at me, hmm). I can tell my customer crush is still having troubles, so I bite the bullet, and rush to help her. She tells me what size bra shes looking for, I can tell her cup size is much larger than that. I measure her. I'm right. We pick out a few bras together, she tries them on, they fit, we prance along telling secrets and holding hands like 7 years old's... but not really. As shes checking out, I have the opportunity to talk with her a little bit, but freeze up. Shes so pretty. I wonder if she knows how pretty she is. She must know. But she acts so, oblivious to her beauty. Instead of talking to her, I play connect the dots with her millions of tiny freckles, and before I know it, her new bras are all bagged up, and away she goes. ...Dangit. I tell all of my coworkers how perfect she was, and we all laugh at how ridiculous I am. Will I ever see her again? Probably not. I used to have a mega crush on Jason Schwartzman. His character in "Slackers" made me go hubba hubba, how creepy huh? Whenever I see a chubby guy in a military uniform, I get excited. Every time my blog crush Diana comments on one of my entries, I smile so big my face hurts. Tattoo'd guys and gals really do it for me. I want to pull them close and learn everything there is to know about each and every speck of ink. Well done tattoos make my eyes sparkle and sing. Christopher gets people crushes on guys he works with, but is always too afraid to ask them to hang out. So I'll call them up on a Saturday night, without ever having met them, and ask them to come play scrabble with us. I did this for a man crush he had a year ago. Turned out the guy and his wife were totally crazy, and caused us nothing but drama. And boy were they bad at scrabble. I guess sometimes crushes are better left as crushes. But I also think people deserve to know when they're being crushed on. Sometimes I wonder if anyone has a people crush on me. It would make my day to know such a thing. I bet someones got a people crush on you too.