Sunday, July 22, 2012
The other morning I anti willingly woke up at 3am, which has been becoming quite the annoying pattern, and I came downstairs where the air is cooler and quieter, and I wrote. I wrote and wrote and wrote- I wrote my aching heart out. I wrote about all of the things that have been plaguing me lately- little things, big things, pointless things, serious things- things. But in the end, once the humid clouds started to part and the drying sun began to rise, none of it mattered. ...ok so maybe it stayed stormy for a few days... weeks even, but- when I went back and read my hormonal feelings from the point of view of a sleep deprived box of anxiety (I'm the box, btw- the ugly dented kind thats been used for like 500 different cluttery tasks, not the pretty patterned kind you see on your birthday), I decided to skip through all of it, and just focus on the bright side. Because there is a bright side. There is always a bright side. There has to be, though sometimes we don't quite see it.
Because even when my husband is off at the ER about to have an emergency appendectomy (don't even get me started), or my 3 year old son is throwing up all over the breakfast table because of his billionth double ear infection (whhhhhhy?!), or the movers suddenly can't come until 3 weeks after we're supposed to be moved out and on our way to visit our family (lets just donate it all and live in a hut)... there are swift little feet tap dancing inside of my womb, reminding me that it will all be okay- and that there is still beauty.
Though sometimes that beauty is hidden behind layers of zofran and unwashed dreadlocks, its definitely there.
Soon we will be a blessed family of 6. "A tiny baby", as big sister Evelyn says, will be joining us this November. And while it was somewhat of an April fools joke (note to self, never take a pregnancy test on April 1), we're finally warming up to the idea of itty bitty newborn diapers and warm snuggly sleepy wraps. This is how it was meant to be.