Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Its the night before your birthday. You're upstairs, snuggled tightly underneath your pink fluffy Hello Kitty comforter, probably humming "I Care For You" from the Carebears movie, while you rock yourself on your hands and knees back and forth.
5 years ago, I was pulling an all nighter, in an attempt to sleep through the next day, to be well rested for my induction the day after. But right about now, only then, my water broke, as I was laying in my large empty bed, since Daddy lived in the dorms on the Air Force Base down the road, just passing the time, watching music videos and reality tv shows.
It took me awhile, to give in and go to the hospital. I had had a false alarm before, and didn't want to go to through the embarrassment of a late night practice run again. After sending text messages to my then-neighbor, and your Daddy, I was convinced to go in. And even after I got there, it took them quite a while to identify what they were looking for, and admit me.
My labor with you was intense. It started light, and I remember thinking "this feels just like menstrual cramps, I can totally do this". When things weren't progressing on their own, the doctors gave me a little push in the form of pitocin, and 12 hours later I was begging for an epidural. Out of all 3 of my kids, that was the only real labor that I had gotten to feel, though- Those first few hours with yours. And while it was disgusting and I remember wishing above all, that the amniotic fluid that kept pouring out would just cool it down a notch- I wouldn't change the realness of it for anything in the world. Compared to the planned c-sections that I had with both your brother and sister- going into labor naturally with you, was beautiful.
If only I could have delivered you the way that I wanted to.
...20 hours post water breaking, there you were.
And now, 5 years later, you're growing into your own wonderful person. I can't control you, even though I may want to. You speak your mind, even though sometimes I wish you wouldn't. But- at the end of every tantrum, and at the start of every day- you still come to me and pretend to push me away, when really all you want is for me to hold you close.
I couldn't have asked for a better daughter. No matter what happens in this life- no matter what path you wind up taking- Mariah Carey style- you will always be my baby.
Happy 5th birthday, pretty.