Me Man, You Spider

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

How can I describe to y'all, my phobia for large spiders?

I'm afraid of large spiders.
(And any other large insect for that matter)

Was it really that easy? Because its more than that, more than just a phobia. Not only am I afraid of them, but they cause me to have a very physical kind of ridiculous reaction. I twitch and shudder, I can't get a grip on my breathing, I choke on my own saliva, I'd even go as far as saying that I have an all out panic attack. No matter how many times I see them, screams escape from my mouth and my body starts jerking around as if something out of this world is inside of my brain pulling on my nerves like puppet strings. Its all very embarrassing, and I'm sorry to anyone who has ever had to witness it. Now with that being said...

Yesterday Christopher comes into the house, throws the door open with excitement really, and asks me if its a bad idea for him to burn a spider. "Burn a spider? Um... if you-" "Hes the size of a mouse!" (which, funny thing- every wolf spider hes ever seen outside has been the "size of a mouse", so for it to actually be the size of a mouse, he'd have to describe it as being the size of a jack rabbit), he yells, before I could even finish my sentence. At that point, I look over and notice the white bottle of charcoal starter lighter fluid in his hand. It doesn't matter what I was planning on saying back to him (even though it was probably what he wanted to hear, something like "kill it! keep it the heck away from me! Protect me, you big strong man!"), I knew he was going to burn the spider. That spider was as good as dead from the second he crawled out from underneath Christopher's storm flipped barbecue.

So that's what he did. He set set it on fire. I went outside a little bit later, forgetting that the spider had ever existed, only to be practically pounced on by an eager Christopher, who shouts "Hes on the garbage can!". Before I could even ask myself what was on the garbage can, my eyes darted to the right, and settled on a large fuzzy mass. *enter twitching and uncontrollable arm movements here*

Dangit. WHY Christopher, why would you do that?!

He proudly ran over to his kill, as if he had just caught us a months worth of dinner, and ever so gently picked him up with a wrench, putting his burnt and defeated prey on display. While I was in the middle of flinching and trying to catch my breath, I couldn't help but notice that when he turned the blackened and shriveled up spider on his side, it looked amazing. Since when do I think that things like that are amazing? I don't. It must have been my flu getting the better of me. No matter the reason, I picked up my camera, and took a picture.

The sight of me taking a picture of the very dead spider, must have been hilarious to an outsider. Every single time I looked at the screen, I freaked. Time, after time, after time, after time. Every click of the zoom, every adjustment of the lighting, whenever my focus got anywhere near one of its eight legs or popped body (apparently venum explodes?), I freaked. After at least 30 attempts at getting a picture, my finger hit the capture button as just the right time. "Ok, that's enough, throw it away, get rid of it get rid of it!".

So, I guess what I'm sayin' here is... don't try to move into our barbecue. You'll get burned ( no, I know).


NONtRENDY October 21, 2009 at 7:28 AM  

a spider the size of a mouse? I'm not afraid of bugs too much, but when they start to be bigger than my big toe, that's when I get squeemish. If they are any bigger than that, I would probably react the same way you are.

Karin Schueller October 21, 2009 at 7:30 AM  

Holy. Crap. That was a HUGE FREAKING SPIDER. Okay, we don't really have that here in Michigan. My husband is aranophobic like yourself... seriously. He doens't like even the itty bitty ones. But if he saw that spider he would pick up and move, I kid you not. Note to self... monstrously huge, attacking spiders in Texas. Do NOT go to Texas, lol. ;)

I'm glad you survived it!!! ;)

Brandy L October 21, 2009 at 9:48 AM  

after looking at the pictures and reading the post, i seriously have goose bumps! I hope he burned. :D

Jenny October 21, 2009 at 10:56 AM  

I used to be the same way... convulsing-wise. Now I just squash and move on.

I'm so glad MN doesn't have nasty spiders like that though! YUCK!

joyfully gray October 21, 2009 at 11:16 AM  

Huge spider + me = not a good thing.

soul_searching_mama October 21, 2009 at 11:23 AM  

I have the same fear of spiders that you do. It doesn't matter what size the spider is--I am freaked out by them. The bigger the spider though the more I panic. I get this paranoia from my mom who would freak out at the word "spider". The day before I got married I was bitten on my foot by a brown recluse and spent my wedding day and honeymoon with a ulcer eating away the skin on my foot (if you've every seen a brown recluse bit it looks like a 3rd degree burn down to the muscle tissue). It was painful and disgusting. Since that my fear of spiders has grown exponentially. It was difficult to actually finish reading this blog post because the pictures of the spider were making my skin crawl. I can't say I'm sad for the burned spider.

NessaGurl October 21, 2009 at 12:35 PM  

yuck yuck yuck... we don't have any scary spiders like that in the Great White North, and I'm SO glad. I couldn't handle it...I really don't like spiders...they aren't so bad when they are outside, but I freak out when they are inside the house or car when I'm driving... especially when I'm driving!!!

I would have reacted the same way... thank goodness you survived :)

Christopher And Tia October 21, 2009 at 11:07 PM  

Seriously guys, I don't do well with spiders either.

And I'm so sorry to anyone that had a hard time looking at the screen because of the pictures. I know that when I go to someone elses blog or flickr or whatever, and they have a picture of a spider, I freak out and have to close the window. Sorry sorry sorry.

 Alicia October 22, 2009 at 12:20 PM  

Oh HELL NAW. Remind me where you live so I know to never move there.

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