Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I still sleep with him in my arms at night. We have a bassinet. We have two, actually. But I just can't put him down. At first I would wake up every 10 or 20 minutes to make sure that he was still breathing. I did the same thing with Eleanore when she was a baby. I wake up and feel his cheeks and forehead, and if he feels even slightly cold, I panic and jolt myself awake with adrenaline. A friend of mine lost a baby to SIDS when I was 10 or 11, and ever since, I've had a lingering paranoia. I've slightly calmed down in the past few days. I can sleep for a few hours at a time before waking up to check on him. It wasn't until last night that we stopped using an alarm clock to wake him up for feedings. The boy would just keep on sleeping. Now that hes back up to his birth weight and his blood sugar has stabilized, we're letting him tell us when its time to eat. Most of the time at least. If my chest is throbbing, I'll make an exception. I've still got my mom force field up, but have lessened the intensity? By that I mean, I can let someone else hold him and not go crazy, but it doesn't last long, so you've gotta grab him when you can. Unless hes got a poopy diaper or won't burp... then hes all yours.